I am thankful to say an inspiring friend raised an important issue regarding children and their freedom of expression and how adults seem afraid of this expression…this got me to thinking...

To often adults are afraid to express themselves, I feel, for fear of disapproval, for fear of not being good enough, or not being liked and this can filter down to our children. As advocates of children we fear them not being accepted, being bullied for being different and struggling as a result and whilst this is an understandable concern it seems a great shame that our fears dictate how we care and teach our children. I feel it is wonderful if parents can actually promote this freedom of expression, this exploration, because through doing so we are enabling our children to experience and understand themselves. If we can teach our children that every person is unique, a special part of all that is, they come to see the beauty and truth within themselves and others. Our difference needs to be seen, expressed, celebrated and appreciated not repressed through fear.

We are at a point of great change in the evolution of our planet. We need to move forward, and let go of all that doesn’t work and hinders our own personal growth and embrace that which does. We need to unite and work together for the benefit of ourselves and the world in which we live and this can only happen with acceptance for one another. We need to think with our hearts, show compassion and acceptance to others, not judgment, this will help others find themselves and allow us to do the same.

Lets do our best to shed our fears through the knowledge that only really love is real and that we are infinite beings and as such we are safe and secure. Our fears, if we allow them, are cages we create that restrict us and prevent us from us from fully experiencing life and these fears are then unconsciously projected on to others and they become burdens to us all. Lets understand that the only competition that we are in is with ourselves, to be the highest reflection of our true selves . We are all unique, just like everything in nature is and this is okay… in fact it is wonderful, for what sort of world would it be if we were all the same or doing our best to be so? We need to let go of our fears of acceptance and fitting in and explore and experience as much of ourselves as we can and express our truth for that is why we are here, to experience and be true to who we are, and in so doing we make a positive difference in the world, we can only do this through expressing ourselves and allowing our inner light to shine.

It is important I feel that we as adults work to change this conditioning, to be our true selves, but I also believe this is very important for our children and it is something we can help them with. Allow them to be who they are, and express themselves how they choose too. Show them through example that difference is to be celebrated, that we are not inferior or superior to anyone else…we are here and we have something valuable to share with the world. Our very difference is our greatness.

It has become clear to me since I had my son that the parent and child relationship is not quite the hierarchy I thought it was and I don’t think I have been alone in that thinking. Naturally I appreciate that it is important that our children have boundaries and understand the importance of listening to their parents/teachers/people in authority… but I have also come to realize that our children are here to teach us too. I have experienced various situations in my life, had many opportunities to grow and understand myself and my world, but it has probably been over the past five years, since the arrival of my son, that I have learnt the most.

I have come to understand more about myself, my habits and routines, my fears and anxieties, my strengths and weaknesses, my tolerance levels, my relationships, the patterns in my life, what works and what doesn’t (although that’s not to say I don’t do what doesn’t work on occasion just to end up frustrated!). I have also come to understand more about life, the world in which I live, the challenges I have come up against and those I am currently facing. I would go so far to say that my children are actually my greatest teachers, because after all why are we here if its not to experience, accept, learn, grow and evolve into our highest selves…they certainly do this for me on a daily basis.

So with the idea that our children are in fact here as much for our growth as we are for theirs, really changes how we see them and how we treat them. Our relationships are not really one way interactions, but instead they are based upon receiving from them as well as giving to them. We would be wise to appreciate our children’s individuality, their uniqueness, their wisdom, their opinions, and their views on life as well as their innate gifts and show them as much respect as we would any adult, for they are as much our teachers as anyone or anything else we experience. It is important for us to know that in each moment after they come into our lives there is something for us to learn, should we choose to see it, hear it or even feel it… I often find myself saying something to my children and hearing this voice in my head saying quite clearly ‘that goes for you too’…in fact, even as I write this blog I am aware that what I write is as much for my own contemplation as it is for all of you who read this. Life it would seem is not without a sense of irony :)

Well some time has passed since my last post and motherhood continues to offer me so many opportunities to evaluate my role as a mum, who I am, what I am here to do and how I can grow as a person. Each day I set my intention and sometimes I fall short and I find myself giving into my frustrations, but other days I feel very much in the driving seat and it all becomes clear to me.

Although being a parent often means having a day full of routine, it is a job that is constantly evolving, our children go through phases and we go through them with them, learning on the job, being creative in finding opportunities to learn and teach, find solutions and work a rounds, doing our best to stay in tune with our children’s reality and how we best help them and for that matter ourselves. It can prove a very challenging role, and rarely is there a time when you are not meeting some situation, behavior, or issue that you are trying to understand. Each child so different provides us with unique situations to learn from and even those stages in development that are well documented and expected can throw us because of the unique individual we are experiencing it with.

I firmly believe that our children choose us as their parents, which give me enormous comfort. The idea that my children felt that I would be the best person for the job to help them to learn and grow and also be someone they could make a difference too, someone they could help and grow, is encouraging and deeply touching. We are in a partnership with our children, a journey we have taken together for the evolution of all our selves and the basis of this partnership is love and it is this above all else I feel should be nurtured. We need to recognize who we are as a parent and be the best that we can be with what knowledge, understanding and awareness we have. Times when we feel we could or should have done it differently or better, are the times we need to show compassion to ourselves, guilt, blame and anger really serve no one, so we need to accept our humanity, learn what we can and move forward by loving and doing what we feel is best for our children.

Something you may find helpful:
I have started to introduce affirmations to my son (4 years) which he enjoys, and I feel will really help him to feel good about who he is. We go through his books and pick one a day and we say it together, talk about the picture and he repeats it as much as he wants, sometimes we even sing it… whatever fun and works. He looks forward to choosing one everyday and if I forget he will be sure to remind me!

I have also begun using a wonderful little pack of cards called Little Inspirations and I find them a wonderful way to help my son understand the dynamics of his world. Each card has a beautiful illustration featuring a particular animal and at the top of the card there is the name of a quality/virtue and then a message explaining it at the bottom. We read a card a day and the messages really stick with him, in fact I was quite taken aback when he started reciting the messages to me when situations came up that reminded him of the message he had learned… ‘‘Mummy look I am just like the rabbits… ‘Share what little you have and you will receive more’’’ I also find them a wonderful tool for parenting, they provide me with a great way of helping my son to understand a particular issue that might otherwise be hard to get him to hear and take on board.

Parenting is an area of much discussion. There are many differing view points on how to raise children, and whilst I feel that they do have a role to play in helping us to find the approach that best suits us, I feel that our children ultimately tell us whats is best for them.

I had my son four year ago and to be honest it wasn't quite what I expected. My whole world was turned upside down, everything I thought I believed about being a parent and even myself was put into question and I had to find my way through a maze of emotions I just didn't really understand.

There are always plenty of people offering advice, and whilst it is kind of them to do so , it can sometimes just add to your confusion. Ultimately your intuition knows whats best for raising your child, and it is that that we should aim to find and understand. Every child is an individual and so there is certainly no set rule on how to raise them.

Having children has challenged me in ways I had never really considered. I guess I viewed motherhood with rose tinted glasses and whilst I got a shock as it tore into the foundations of my very belief systems, I was also introduced to a whole new and wonderful world. The gifts that our children bestow on us on a daily basis are numerous, but often these are overlooked as a result of our busy lives and what we deem as our struggles.

I have tried various approaches to bringing up my children and no single one is right all the time and being human means that I am by no means right all the time either! I have faced myself in the mirror feeling guilty for raising my voice and having not respond in the right way on numerous occasions. I have criticized my self terribly over the years and yet I rarely acknowledge my successes. Why is it as mothers we feel it is completely acceptable to take on all the responsibility for these new souls we bring into the world with little or no experience and expect nothing less than complete perfection! We expect to be able to always show compassion and understanding to our children, yet we show none of this to ourselves. Well it is for this reason and more that I have chosen to write this blog. I guess I wanted to say that its Okay to make those mistakes and that we are all doing the best job we can with the knowledge and experience we have. I am doing my best to allow myself to make mistakes and not see them as failures but as opportunities to learn and grow.

For me parenting is deeply connected with spirituality and that is why my blog will attempt to address my experiences of becoming a spiritual parent. That for me is about parenting in a way that nourishes our children's spirit, their divinity, the essence of who they are. For me it is about teaching and guiding, not controlling or dictating. Giving our children opportunities to develop good self esteem, confidence, the ability to make choices and understand consequences. I hope that other parents out there will join me on my journey :)